Ain't karma a b****?
...We know Blair Waldorf is.
As Gossip Girl once said, “One thing about being on the top of the world: It gives you a long, long way to fall.”
But who actually falls, and how far, is another story. While Gossip Girl dished out plenty of comeuppance (ex. Bart literally falling off a Manhattan skyscraper, the many people banned from Manhattan by a 17-year-old in a headband, etc. ), many characters scraped by with their lives — and more importantly, their reputations — intact.
Here’s a breakdown of who deserved better, who deserved worse and who got exactly what was coming for them.
This is not an exhaustive list; we didn’t even get into the Nelly Yuki, Juliet Sharp or Poppy Lifton of it all. So please let us know in the comments who we missed. Also, yes, there are lots of spoilers in this list.
Who deserved better?
Jenny Humphrey
This might be controversial because Little J invokes some strong emotions in GG fans. And yes, Jenny could be grating, with that sassy side-eye she was constantly giving Rufus every time he refused to let her drop out of school to become a fashion designer (or drug dealer, depending on the season). Jenny is a younger sibling to a T. Constantly making terrible choices and blaming it all on her parents for loving her too much and simultaneously not enough.
But still, there’s a part of us that can’t help but feel for little J. She embodies the notion that there’s no greater hell than being a teenage girl. She said it best when she went off on her dad after he threw her that disastrous birthday party in season one, “Did you think that you could just send me off to school with a plaid skirt and a Metro Card and that everything would be okay?” The city chewed her up and spit her back out all the way to Hudson. And maybe some of it was a learning experience, but to make her lose her virginity to the guy who tried to sexually assault her in the pilot when she was just 14? And then to PUNISH her like she was the one in the wrong? It’s all kinds of cruel and no one deserves that, certainly not poor Jenny who despite her schemes never really hurt anyone as much as she hurt herself. We know now, thanks to Penn Badgley’s podcast, that Taylor Momsen wanted OUT of GG to pursue her music, and, behind the scenes, the show gave her a generous exit. But it did not treat Jenny with the same tenderness and that’s a shame.
Lily Rhodes / Van der Woodsen / Bass / Humphrey
On every rewatch, it becomes clearer and clearer that Serena and Eric’s mom Lily is the best character on Gossip Girl. This woman has it all. Impeccable style. A consistently regal demeanor. Five ex-husbands, two of which are named K(C)laus. A fabulous Richard Phillips painting hung above her stairwell. And a closet filled with as many secrets as designer handbags. Is Lily a good mother? Probably not. But she is Mother. The way she was already moving on with Rufus when they were putting Bart Bass in the ground? That’s praxis! And what prize does she receive for being the champion winner of the IDGAF wars? A Baldwin? Absolute blasphemy.
In our humble opinion, neither of the Humphreys deserved a Van der Woodsen. But if Lily doesn’t get her rock & roll crush by the end, she should at least have her Diane Keaton divorced-woman-on-the-beach moment. She would absolutely slay that blanket scarf. Let this woman write her novel on a kitchen island while wearing head-to-toe linen please for the love of God.
Georgina Sparks
When Jay Z said “crazy and deranged, crazy and deranged” in his “Crazy in Love” verse, we like to think he was talking about Georgina Sparks. When Georgina came on the scene in Gossip Girl’s first season, putting the fear of God into Serena before Michelle Tractenberg had even made an on-screen appearance, she was a delicious villain. Sending cocaine and sex tapes to Serena’s parents’ house, showing up for dinner unannounced and outing Eric, stealing Serena’s man with nothing but a fake name and an unassuming ponytail all while smiling and calling Serena “Sweetie”? No one knew how to sabotage like her (I’m so sorry to Blair but Georgina had our girl S sobbing on the stairwell admitting that she killed a man).
Most outside villains in Gossip Girl want something. They reek of desperation, a longing to fit into Manhattan’s elite. And we watch almost sympathetically as they believe they have the upper hand just before their shit gets completely rocked by the blockade of power that is Chuck, Nate, Serena and Blair, who, when one is being targeted by an outsider, never fail to join forces like it’s World War I and they’re the Allied Powers. But Georgina is different. She doesn’t want anything but to watch the world burn. She’s a god of chaos with an insatiable hunger for messiness, and Gossip Girl would simply not be Gossip Girl without her.
And yet, by the end of the show, Georgina is stripped of her godliness, reduced to a mere mortal run-of-the-mill GG villain who is lying about her baby daddy. And eventually, she’s stripped of her villain title completely, becoming a kind of Dexter-style sabotage gun for hire, worming her way into the friend group. Georgina fans might relish the redemption arc, but some villains aren’t meant to be redeemed, they’re meant to be used for all their potential. In season five, the show briefly misled us to believe Georgina was Gossip Girl all along. But it shouldn’t have been a fake-out. Ideally, Gossip Girl would’ve kept its most central promise “Who am I? That’s not a secret I’ll ever tell.” But if we simply have to reveal the gossip blogger’s true identity, Georgina would have been the perfect candidate. A Gossip Girl who has already achieved elite status and is divulging secrets while constantly keeping everyone on edge just for the hell of it? That’s what dreams are made of. “You can tell Jesus that the bitch is back.”
Blair Waldorf
You might be thinking, what?? Blair got the happiest of happy endings. But Gossip Girl never should have been wrapped up in such a neat package. Blair’s relatability and likability was always rooted in her striving, her constant desire for something more. In the end, we see her with the career she wants and the family she wants. At like 26 years old??? For someone whose existence was wrapped up in longing to finally get the prize she’s been clawing for so early in this game we call life? Is it a happy ending, or a devastating one? Though maybe we’re being selfish because we’d love to watch Blair being Blair forever. Perhaps she didn’t deserve more, but the audience did. Like maybe a spin-off with her and Georgina running an Olivia Pope-style PR firm?
Who deserved worse?
Dan Humphrey
There’s not much to say about this that hasn’t already been said. Even Penn Badgley knows that boy did not have the ingenuity to be Gossip Girl. He gets a book deal AND gets to marry the girl of his dreams? We were forced into a Josh Schwartz fantasy land by the series finale and for that we charge both Schwartz and Humphrey with the highest of crimes. See you boys at The Hague.
Aaron Rose
Is he a main character? No. But coming off as even more pretentious and irritating than Dan Humphrey will skyrocket you to the top of our most-hated list. Son of Cyrus Rose and step brother to Blair (which is barely mentioned again but that’s to be expected from a show that apparently gave Rufus and Lily amnesia so they would forget about their shared child) Aaron was called Gossip Girl’s new villain — “a passive-aggressive, poly-dating trust-funded artist” — by New York Magazine in 2008. This man would have scolded you for never reading David Foster Wallace and explained every piece of art in a museum to you (mostly info you could have found on the plaque next to each painting). Could this man take the cake for Serena’s worst dating decision? Maybe, even the “real Aaron Rose” hated him! Besides, we only let Chuck get away with wearing that many scarves.
William Van der Woodsen
This man deserves to have his medical license revoked, and possibly some jail time, but most importantly he deserves to never breathe the same air as Queen Lily Van der Woodsen ever again.
Chuck Bass
This is hard because we think Blair deserves the world, and unfortunately, all she’s truly ever wanted is Chuck Bass. Their relationship was addictively toxic throughout the entire series, but it’s hard to forgive Chuck for his crimes when the show itself would rather we just forget them. He sold his girlfriend to his disgusting uncle for a BUILDING and then Jack was invited to their wedding?? He sexually assaulted two of the show’s main protagonists. He used to wear ascots (and we really never talk about that). And yet all of it gets wiped away when he swoops in to do something selfless for Blair or Nate in the eleventh hour.
It’s unfortunately fairly true to real life that a guy like Chuck would come out unscathed, and even with a fully rehabilitated reputation, after doing some of the worst things imaginable. But did he deserve that happy ending? He’s a landlord, for Christ’s sake! Hell no!
Who got exactly what they deserved?
Serena van der Woodsen
This once-upon-a-time “it girl” was passed the point of no return when she hid away in that rich man’s house in the mountains (or something) and pretended not to know her friends after they traveled miles to rescue her because she was so done with the Upper East Side despite having caused every single problem herself. But in the end she had to marry Dan. That’s punishment enough.
Vanessa Abrams
Vanessa… we were rooting for you. We were all rooting for you! If she could have just minded her damn business for ONCE she might have come out unscathed, but no. Instead she got busy getting hoodwinked by little J, teaming up with Juliet and constantly fooling herself into thinking that she could take on Blair. She’s eventually banished from New York City, forced to live out the rest of her days upstate. In the finale we see her some place far, far away. But the set designers gave her a very cute kitchen as a little treat.
Bart Bass
Yeah the man was evil, but he also fell off a building.
Dorota
She didn’t get to be Gossip Girl, but she did get a spin-off.
Nate Archibald
In the end, Nate got a media empire but no love interest. A lot of people think he and Serena were a much better match and perhaps they’re right. Both of them can bond over their innate ability to fail upwards. But that man’s search for love was his constant downfall, so it makes sense that he’d succeed only while single. With all the JFK Jr. references, he’s lucky he didn’t end up in a plane crash.