Hey, Upper East Siders
… we have the biggest news ever…
It’s almost the end of November, which, for some, means turkey, stuffing, fighting with drunk relatives and waiting in the longest lines you’ve ever seen at the airport. For us, it means rewatching the CW’s pride and joy and forcing you all to read about it.
That’s right, next week will be The Five Days of Gossip Girl — as in, we will be posting something about our favorite Upper East Siders every single weekday. Is this an absolutely nuts thing for us to commit to, considering we do not make a single cent off this newsletter and have actual jobs? Yes it is! But nothing gets us more into the holiday spirit than the Humphrey’s pumpkin pie squished under the tires of a taxi cab after lonely boy risked it all for a blackout Serena van der Woodsen and all she could do was say “Pieeee :(”
If you are not a GG fan, we hope (and think) you’ll still enjoy, and maybe even come around to watching. What have you been soooooo busy with since 2007? Genuine question, we mean no offense. At the very least you can make fun of us for how seriously we’re going to take this.
But if you are a fan, you know just how important this holiday is. From the first full-fledged Van der Woodsen/Humphrey tussle over Rufus of all people, to an insight into Blair’s eating disorder that was barely mentioned again (much like her miscarriage… but that’s for another day) to Juliet kidnapping and drugging (??) Serena, the Thanksgiving episodes are simply the best of the best.
So it’s the perfect time to dedicate a full week to Serena, Blair, Chuck, Nate and yes, even Dan.
But we need your help! Please write in with a Gossip Girl moment that you just can’t stop thinking about. It can be as big as Chuck buying a strip club at age 16 (you can’t make this stuff up) or as small as Serena wearing her graduation tassel in her hair instead of a cap. We’ll compile these all for a Friday post.
Also, if you have a GG fan in your life who criminally doesn’t subscribe, we'd appreciate it if you passed this on to them. It’s embarrassing for them really so you’re doing them a favor.
Xoxo,
Rachel and Mallika
B Plot
Question: What’s a show that got a lot of hype that you didn’t like?
Mallika: I am scared to say this because the fandom is strong (and hurting due to its cancellation) but Netflix’s The OA. I know that this show is supposedly ambitious and mind-bending and I’m very ready to admit that maybe it all just went over my head but I didn’t enjoy myself one bit. I watch a lot of heavy shows but do need a moment to breathe, even if it’s just for a second, and watching this felt like drowning, not to be dramatic. Plus I never felt like I knew what the F was going on.
Rachel: My answer to this question will eventually be an entire newsletter topic and if you know me, you know what it is…. True Detective. I’ll defer to Emily Nussbaum’s 2014 essay which pretty much sums up all my feelings about this show. All I’ll say is watching it felt like the idea of reading David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest (I say the idea because I have never once considered actually cracking open that book). But did Paul Mescal saying True Detective was his comfort show make me want to give it a second chance just to be a “pick me” girl? I’m not going to lie to you….
C Plot
Eight seasons later, Bobby Berk is leaving Queer Eye, which… absolutely makes sense. This man is tired. Wouldn’t you be tired if you were expected to build a house every other week while your friends made chips and dip or gave one pep talk? Let him rest! Maybe make JoJo Fletcher and Jordan Rodgers from The Bachelorette step in — aren’t they flipping houses on CNBC or something?
The White Lotus has started casting for its Thailand-based third season. Deadline reports that 13 roles are being casted, “Nine of them series regulars — ranging in ages between 18-80s — with a patriarch, a corporate executive, an actress, a couple of mothers, a misfit and a yogi.” We suggest Toni Collette, she’s Mother enough1 to play “a couple of mothers.” (This is actually not a distasteful United States of Tara joke.)
Young Sheldon is ending after seven seasons. Yes, you read that right. Seven seasons. We say this with all the love in the world to whoever was involved: Did anyone watch this show? Apparently a lot of people but, gun to our heads, we could not tell you one single fact about it other than it being the prequel to The Bing Bang Theory. (Okay, fact checking ourselves: In 2019, Mallika apparently wrote a story about Young Sheldon getting a proposed fine from the Federal Communications Commission for misusing the Emergency Alert System. She has no memory of this.)
DC is really trying to target us TV lovers, allegedly casting Cousin, Eddie Munson, Princess Margaret and Zombie daddy in the Fantastic Four reboot… Lord, lead us not into temptation….
The Queen’s Gambit is getting a stage production and MITSKI is writing the music and lyrics. This is Rachel’s Joker. This is Rachel’s Roman Empire. Rachel will not shut up about this until it is on Broadway and then she will spend $200 on a ticket and not shut up about it for another two years. If you see her on the train outwardly singing, “Look at you, STRAWBERRY BLOND….”2 do not be alarmed. No two things coming together have ever been more tailored to her interests, not even Paul Mescal and Andrew Scott playing gay lovers in All of Us Strangers.
Even for the New York Times, apparently.
“Oh, all I ever wanted was a grandmaster namesake, so I follow the white squares, follow the white squares, keep my eyes on the board as I ache.” Is this anything?
Serena throwing away her phone instead of deleting Blair's number?? And then in the next episode it's never addressed and she has a new phone. Not sure if you've watched the part 1 recap from Mikes Mic but if you haven't, I highly recommend